Feeling my feelings.

I refused to escape into drugs or alcohol. I have not put a prescription drug into my body since 2007 ( I did not have a problem…) I just learned how serious the side effects could be after I ended up with a whole in my small intestine from the pill Mobic.

I thought to myself “ How can I heal naturally?”

Which dove my into my holistic health practices!!! I learned how much can be done through nutrition, exercise, and cutting out the garbage including the news. :) Therefore I have not watched the news, eaten any fast food, drank soda, or have had any pharmaceuticals since 2007.

Anyways back to the passing of my dad.

My aim is to feel my feelings, grieve with clarity. I have taken two weeks off of what I am unable to call work ( I absolutely love what I do .) I have drank zero alcohol and have taken zero drugs… like I said the main thing is I want to feel my feelings. When I was sad yesterday I called a dear friend. When I was angry today I exercised.

I feel as though now there is a whole or void in my life and I simply do not want to fill it. With the passing of my father I do not want to fill it with a person, material object, or substance.

The Japanese have a belief that where there is a whole, void, crack, anything like that… that is where the light enters.

So I feel by acknowledging this void… the light will enter through it.

I believe as Albert Einstein did that energy cannot be creating or destroyed. Therefore I personally believe my father will always be here. He said look for me as “ Cardinal Fred.”

I will do my best to honor him and keep my heart and mind open looking for his signs.

I feel a deep appreciation towards him and all of my ancestors always knowing my son would not be here without them and he is my favorite gift of all time.

Seems to be a whirl wind of emotions.

This next week I will be celebrating his life with family friends delicious food and wine.

Remember both good and bad will happen to us this lifetime and we need both to appreciate the other.

We would not be able to see the moon or the stars without the darkness.